I see dead people

Halloween is just around the corner and everywhere you look people are decorating their houses with skeletons, pumpkins and other spooky stuff.

If you are like me, that makes you ponder one important question a lot more though:

How can I be prepared for a zombie apocalypse? 

Lucky enough, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published an article that gives us some pointers.

Here is the link: Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

Not a bad read, but what happens when you have to take things a step further because the rotting corpses have found your bunker?

Here are a few tips that might make a difference in your survival:

1. Dress for the event

- Long hair is not an option.
  Don't be stupid. We all know that zombies like to grab stuff.
  And once you and your golden locks are entangled in their hands or teeth 

  - that's it.

- Long sleeve shirts will provide warmth and hide bleeding wounds.
  You don't want to leave any bloody trails leading the zombies to you.

- Proper pants are key!
  And that means pants that fit and preferably have some side pockets.
  Nobody cares if you used to be a ghetto rapper.
  Get some cargo jeans that don't hang off your ass because they are 

  4 sizes too big.

- Same rule for shoes.
  Your Nike's might have cost $300, but if they fly off your feet when you start 

  running, they are worth nothing.
  Get some boots. (No heels - that's for the ladies!)

2. Flight is better than fight

- Only fight if you have to.
  I know they killed your grandma, but now is not the time to seek revenge.
  If you want to live, then don't waste your time and ammunition by taking

  10 of them out. 

  You just end up being teared into pieces. Or worse.

- Stay out of sight.
  Hide where you can and make sure they don't see you.
  They will only come after you if they know you are there.

You can find further details on these tips as well as more info on Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.

Finally, if nothing helps and you have to fight, this might some valuable advise:

Good luck! ;)

Autocorrect fails

Do you have an iPhone? Do you hate autocorrect? 

I do, but so far it has only being annoying and not embarrassing me...

In that context, one of my Facebook friends shared something today that made me laugh my butt off.

So I'll share with you as well.. Enjoy.

Click here: The 15 funniest autocorrects from August 2011 

One of my favorites..

It's not that hard...

We might or might not have a garbage problem at the office.

The details are irrelevant, but it made me send out an email tutorial on how to deal with recycling. 

Markus thought it was funny, so that is reason enough for me to share it with you as well. ;)

(Click and click again on the image to enlarge..)

Earthquake

It is in the news: Virgina got hit by an earthquake today.

Now people all over the east coast come forward to tell "their story". 

Including Canadians in Toronto and Niagara Falls.

People are excited and so I am happy to provide actual footage of the damage caused by this disaster:

Source: http://jmortonmusings.blogspot.com

:D

That was not a purchase...

I love gadgets. 

I have a thing for tech toys although so far I haven't gone as crazy as some of the geeks I work with. ;)

One of the reasons why I love our iPhone for example, is the fact that it allows me to capture and document the random stupidity of other people.

Below you can find my latest encounter.

But let's see first if you can guess what I am referring to.
So let's play a game called "What is wrong with this picture?"

What doesn't belong here...?

This is the playground close to our house. 

Seems normal? Nothing out of the ordinary?

- Look closer!

Can you see it now?

Not a stroller!

This is a mall buggy - not a stroller.

In case you have never seen one before - they work like this:

You deposit x dollar and then you are allowed to use the buggy while shopping in the mall or store you got it from.

So basically it is a rental. 

You DON'T BUY it by inserting your money. YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK!

Nonetheless, I found this one at our playground the other day and you know what? 

I know the mall that it is coming from and it is 2 miles away! 

Someone actually went through the hassle to push the buggy with its tiny wheels all the way to this playground.

Amazing.

Well of course, now you could argue that maybe the people who did that are just really poor and don't have the money to buy a real stroller...or that there might be a similar "good" reason to steal the buggy... Cause you never know, right?

Right? Wrong!

A few minutes later the new "owners" came back to get the buggy and go home.. 

And guess what?

The child riding in the buggy was at least 10 years old and I've seen him playing soccer with his friends before his mom came to get the buggy. 

So he is not handicapped or too small to walk.. he is just plain lazy.

Classy ride home

Morons.

Car sale - Part 2

Let me start this with just saying that by now we have sold the van.

But it was nothing short of being a pain in the butt.

There are just too many idiots who know how to click the "Send" button on their email. *sigh*

I don't even want to get into the morons we had to deal with, but to finish this chapter I have one more thing to show you.

Here is one of last favorites who had been interested in the van. 

He emailed Markus with an "exclusive" offer that we "needed" to consider.
Basically he sent us the link to his ad:

 

Just a note:

Wayne Gretzky is not dead. 

Why he would believe that one shirt is worth $1100 when I can still get Gretzky's autographs today, is beyond me. 

We politely declined his offer. :D

Car sale

We are currently trying to sell our van and I thought this was going to be a straightforward thing: Advertise on Craigslist and other online sources, respond to emails & phone calls and schedule appointments so that people can come and check it out.

Of course, we were anticipating the one or two odd questions since we have dealt with Craigslist sales before and people just tend to not read the ad the properly.

We were not prepared however for the interesting & hilarious folks that we have been encountered so far.

Here are the highlights of 4 weeks into it:

1. French invasion:

Five French students/temporary workers were interested in buying the van to make a road trip to the other end of the country. 

Two of them came to check everything out and to take photos. 

The pics were then sent off to the rest of the group in France for review.

After several emails (and probably a web conference - who knows!) they decided against the purchase though.

2. The scammer:

We got an email from a guy who is living 80 km away.

He was willing to pay the asking price, but we would have to take the car to him.

He claimed since he is working full time he has no time to come down and pick up the car himself.

My alarm bells went off when I heard that he was willing to buy the car unseen. 

Who does that?

Markus was concerned that the guy would try to start negotiations once we went there.

But all went downhill when we started to discuss the payment.

The guy said he was only willing to pay via personal cheque or a debit transfer.

Both transactions are reversible so we declined and told him that we only accept cash, a certified cheque or a money order - basically, guaranteed funds.

We never heard from the guy again.

3. Africa is calling:

The next prospect was planning on taking the van even farther. 

He wanted to buy the car to export it to Nigeria.

Which was fine by us as long as he pays us first.. ;)

He was willing to pay the asking price however required a "minor favor" in return:
Since we were not "willing" to let him have our license plates nor allow him to drive on our car insurance, he wanted Markus to drive with him to a port 2400 km away since it is cheaper to ship cars to Africa from there.

When Markus asked him on the phone if he was serious, he just responded:
"What's the big deal? It will just take us a day. Just take the day off from work..."

Ehm.. no thanks...

4. The illiterate:

This guy just sent us an email with this text:

"Can I more pictures of inside of tires interior?"

So what did he want? Pics of the interior? Or the tires? Or the inside of the tires?
We were confused, but he never enlightened us...

5. Special accessories:

I saved the best for last since this is my absolute favorite.

This guy was planning on driving the car in South America and so he asked the obvious question: 

"Does it come with a toilet?"

I nearly fell off the chair laughing. ;)

Zombie vs. Baby

Does this look familiar? lol

I am so glad we are slowly getting out of that stage.. ;)

XOXO

Ace is a very affectionate boy. 

He loves to cuddle with both of us, he snuggles up every night and he also likes to give hugs.  You might even get a pat on the shoulder! lol

He is not very big into kisses though.

When I ask him for a kiss, there is a 50/50 chance for me to get one. 

Quite often, he will shake his head and say "No!". 

I accept that because I don't want to force anything on him. 

If he doesn't want to do it, I respect that.

It happens even less that he will come by himself to offer a kiss. 

It's a rare treat and makes me feel special.

A couple of days ago though, Ace and I were chilling on the bed and I was holding him.

Suddenly he sat up and looked at me, then came forward and gave me a big kiss. 

It was a surprise and we both smiled.

He can't say the words yet, but I sure felt very loved at this moment. :)

Celebrations

This weekend has been very special for us since it was June 4th again.

Time for celebration x 2.

Saturday was our 3rd wedding anniversary. :)

 

But of course it was also Ace's 2nd birthday.

With Markus' parents in town, we had decided against a big party but just opted for coffee and cake at home.

Checking out the cake...

This year Ace got the idea of blowing out a candle and did his best, but in the end he needed some help from mom and grandma. ;)
(No worries Ace, we made a wish for you on your behalf.. ;))

Then it was time to unwrap the presents...
Let me just say: He got a lot of Duplo. ;)

Eventually it was cake time and since it was Key Lime Cake, Markus was in heaven [insert angel trumpets here], however Ace did not care.

He just picked at his slice for a minute, but didn't even want to eat one bite.

Finally he handed me the plate and asked for an orange instead.

This child is hilarious!

Birthday gift

When you love reading or have a thing for books in general, you might face this challenge:

How to decide what to read. 

True liking of myself

And if you end up reading two (or more books) at the same time, you are always torn which one to take for the commute to/from work – cause we all know: There is just never enough space in the bag/purse – not to speak of the weight issue…

So, last week was my birthday and I have to say Markus nailed it on the head with this year’s birthday gift.

He bought me a Kindle.

I absolutely love it. 

I feel it is best invention since sliced bread when it comes to reading.
It is so light, but holds up to 2500 books and it actually reads like the pages in a real book.
You don’t feel you are looking at a screen. 

Awesomeness.

Royal wedding or what not to wear

Hello world!

It's a joyous day because it's the day of the royal wedding.
Prince William finally married his Kate (who is now automatically the Duchess of Cambridge, the Countess of Strathearn and the Baroness of Carrickfergus - in case you were wondering). 

Leaving the church...

I know that lots of people couldn't care less, but I have a soft spot for that kind of thing. 

At the office we even had a team breakfast in honor of the newly weds and that we also got some mimosas to get through the work day lifted the spirit even more.

So congratulations, William and Kate. I hope you will have a successful life together. :)

My favorite picture of the two.

Having that said, it's time to take a look at the wedding guests (since everybody only seems to talk about how lovely Kate's wedding dress is). 

Let's see if we can spot the ones having an issue with not being in the spotlight (or so it seems if you look at their attention-seeking outfits) and those that should be mentioned for other reasons.

First up we have this photo: Carole Middleton (Kate's mother), Queen Elizabeth and Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall.

Carole looks pretty good to be honest.

The Queen could make a nicer face, I think, but it is really Camilla who draws my attention here. While the colors she chose for her gown are not "that" bad, I feel the hat is a bit unfortunate. 

Her facial expression is worse though. 

Oh Camilla, why can I never see a photo of you with a normal smile? 

You always look as if you are about to pass a kidney stone...

Pastel rules or what?

Next, please!

Here we have Miriam Gonzalez Durantez, the wife of Britain's Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. Apparently she couldn't decide what to wear because she is sporting a turban-ish head scarf AND that giant red flower on her head.

I am sure humming birds would find her attractive...

Zara Phillips, the eldest granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth, opted for a different head gear. 

To me it looks like a combination of satellite dish meets gift wrap ribbon and I am wondering if she is secretly trying to send a signal to aliens with that thing.

Bigger is not always better.

I have saved the best for last and since I could not decide which photo to use I will just show both.

Those two ladies are Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, daughters of Prince Andrew.

Their dresses: Really ugly... those bows and ornaments make it look like as if they had pulled the clothes out of grandma's closet.

The real kicker are their hats though. 

Eugenie's blue "hat" with this flowery thing and those feathers standing up high make her look like a futuristic flight attendant working on a space ship.

My favorite is Beatrice's "hat" though. 

I mean what the heck was she thinking when she chose that thing? 

If Zara is trying to send messages to outer space, Beatrice must surely be able to receive some.

An alternative explanation would be that both, Eugenie and Beatrice, are already space aliens and that is their traditional head gear. 

Take me to your leader, girls.

Their facial expressions are not helping...

Warning: This head gear is not suited for driving.

Easter

I hope everybody had a good Easter!

We were planning on hiding some eggs for Ace in our apartment but unfortunately he got sick and was not feeling well at all on Sunday.

Nonetheless he had a few good moments so we managed to do the Easter thing and snap a few pics.

Sporty

When we went to the gym on Saturday, I might have been able to catch a glimpse into the future. Our fitness center offers MMA classes for all ages and while we were working out, I was able to watch their Junior Grappling class. They had a group of about a dozen kids there - ages 5 to 8 years. Most of them were boys, but I could also see 2 girls.

Watching those kids - especially the young boys - made me wonder what Ace will be into in a couple of years. He is so full of energy already that I have no doubt that he will be doing something active. But what might it be? 

Naturally our family enjoys soccer, but Markus also likes to watch American Football as well as UFC and boxing on TV. 

We both run and before Ace we have been known to swing the tennis racket on a regular basis.

Markus really likes cycling and I enjoy inline skating (despite the fact that I haven't been doing it a lot in the past years.. ). 

But of course, there are still a ton of other sports Ace could get into. (I just hope it won't be lacrosse - it looks too much like butterfly hunters gone wild. :P) 

Lacrosse - Too many nets if you ask me.

I can't wait to find out what he will like... :)

Kiddie TV can be weird

Ace loves watching TV.

You can count on it: As soon as we get home from work/daycare in the evening, you will hear his "Tibi! Tibi!"- chant and our little guy will hand us the remote control so that he can watch an episode of his favorite TV shows.

Currently he is into Curious George, Caillou and The Cat in the Hat.

Occasionally he'll also watch Sesame Street or Barney. But not that often.

Markus and I have a love/hate relationship with most of the shows.

I mean I can't deny that we can use them to our advantage.

In the mornings for example. Ace is so not a morning person. Getting him ready for daycare can be such a struggle and the last thing I need at 7 am is whining and crying. But if you turn on Curious George he'll be fine. And before he knows it, he is completely dressed and actually feels pretty good... awake and ready to conquer the world.. So he'll tell Markus "Bye bye", blows him a kiss.. and off we go.

It works in similar fashion if we need to make a phone call without having him yell into our ear or if I need to clean the bathroom with bleach.

On the other hand, sometimes these shows are really hard to stand.

Here are my (and Markus') random thoughts:

Curious George:

What is wrong with the man with the yellow hat?

Why doesn't he even have a name? - All the other characters have one!
Including (my "favorite") Professor Pizza. (Really?)

And what's up with this obession for yellow?

But more importantly: How can he be so irresponsible?

He lets George do what he wants or gives him tasks that will set the monkey up for failure. 

He expects too much.. I mean come on: It is a monkey! 

For once a picture without the hat...

Caillou:

OMG - just stop whining already! I have no idea why Caillou's mom hasn't wacked him over the head already. Or maybe she has and that's why he is bold? I mean at 4 years old? Isn't that weird? I'd see a doctor.. but nobody in that family seems to be concerned.. so I guess they know something I don't...

Don't be fooled: He is just trying to hide the boldness.

But you know, I can't condemn the parenting Caillou's family does in general, cause they show admirable amount of patience with their kids.

However, I have observed some things that I find questionable.

For example, in one episode Caillou and his dad go for a run.

Remember, Caillou is 4, so obviously his legs are a lot shorter than his father's.

I can't say that Dad cared a lot though. He runs off and is ahead without even thinking to ask if Caillou is okay and can keep up. Kind of inconsiderate.

Eventually they have enough and decide to make their way back to the house.

Dad encourages Caillou with a "Last one at the house is a rotten egg!"

Ehm.. yeah.. sure.

Caillou's friend's parents aren't doing much better though:

Caillou is at his first sleepover and gets homesick. He wants to go home.

His friend's mom suggests helpfully to have dinner first and see how he feels afterward.

OK, fine.

At dinner then, Caillou repeats that he wants to go home and mom pulls an amazing idea out of her ass: "Why don't you guys eat as fast as you can, so that you can finish your plates and have dessert? I'm sure you'll feel better then."

Nice.. Let's teach our kids how they can suffocate their emotions with food while they are still in Pre-K! I am sure this way they'll get a future eating disorder for free as well! Yay! - Not... :(

Sesame Street:

I still have to see an entire episode, but there is always one part that creeps the heck out of me: Elmo's World.

First of all the entire scenery... kind of weird all this crayon scribble.. but whatever.. if they like their designers to smoke while work.. Fine. :P

What's really bugging me though is Mr. Noodle. He is such a weirdo! He gives me the creeps.

Creepy guy aka Mr. Noodle

And now recently I discovered he also has a brother - equally strange! Ugh!

I feel uncomfortable just watching them.

(And worse: I just found out you can book Mr. Noddle for your kid's birthday party: http://www.charitybuzz.com/auctions/RCDS08/catalog_items/83810

AH! SO not happening!)

There is one show I absolutely adore though: The Cat in the Hat!

I love it. So educational. The stories are so sweet and the characters are singing in nearly every episode. I could watch that show all the time. I might even learn something myself! Ha!

Always in a good mood: The cat

But of course Ace has his own ideas of what he wants to watch.. so I can only suggest Dr. Seuss' creations - in the hope he feels more like talking cats and fish instead of monkeys that sell ice cream or ride the subway.. ;)

Toddler brain

Most of us know this already: When you become a parent a lot of things will change and life becomes more interesting.

Ah, no kidding, eh?
For example (and I have mentioned this before), most moms experience (suffer from?) some kind of "mommy brain". So do I.
As a consequence us moms have to write everything down or we will forget it. Instantly.

Here is an example:
The local supermarket around the corner from my office is currently running a promotion where you get a free coffee with your purchase. When you pay for your goods the cashier will ask you if you want one, so that she can put it into her system.
Of course I don't say No to that. (I mean it's FREE coffee!)
Too bad that last time, I had already forgotten about my free coffee the second I had put away my credit card. So I grabbed my bag and left the store.
I realized this 2 hours later by the way.

Why is this happening?
- Because there is so much going on in our mommy brains.

Mine basically looks like this:

Yep, there is a lot happening here...

During the day I am basically hopping from one thought to the next. (No wonder I am always so tired at the end of the day.. lol)

That I always have a lot on my plate at work doesn't help either.

So I am always carrying a notepad around wherever I go. That does the trick for me.

Enough said about that though because what I discovered in the past week is that our counterparts have similar "issues" - only they don't really care that much.

What I am talking about is this: Toddler brain.

Since the kiddos don't think about it and have no worries, it must look pretty much like this:

Don't be fooled by the cuteness...

Just imagine it going a 100 miles per hour.
For 12 hours straight.

Of course this gives them plenty of opportunities to come up with crazy ideas on how to entertain themselves.

Ace's new favorite:
Sticking objects into body cavities.
It started with un-eaten pieces of carrot in his ears. Now he has moved on to corn kernels up in his nose.
The latter he tried for the first time on the weekend.
We had microwaved popcorn as a snack while watching TV and he decided to grab the bag to help himself. Suddenly it got quiet and we knew one of two things were happening:
1. He got tired or 2. He was up to something.
Of course it was number 2.
He had grabbed the corn kernels that hadn't popped and stuck one into each nostril.

Great. Exactly what you need on a Sunday night at 11.15 pm.

We started to think about heading to the ER, when we got lucky. One just fell out and the other one Ace was able to dig out himself. Phew.. good for us.
No 3 hour wait at the hospital.

Well, fast forward to last night.
You know how kids always find everything?
Well, of course we didn't give Ace any popcorn bags anymore, but he still managed to find a single corn kernel somewhere... and of course he stuck it up his nose.
No panic on our side here as we had already been through this before, but when an hour passed and the thing still had not come out I got a tiny bit nervous.
It didn't help that Ace didn't want to cooperate and declined to blow his nose. :/
Eventually I ran out of options, so I did what I always do when I don't know anymore:
I ask Google. (Mommy brain's best friend!)
And I was not disappointed cause apparently there is a CPR-like technique you can try before heading frantically to the ER.
(Read here for more info: How to get that thing out of your kid's nose)

Long story short:
I got lucky cause Ace thought this was a game where mommy gives kisses so he had fun and was holding still.
2 min later that damn thing popped out and passed my cheek with lightning speed while I ended up with toddler snot on my face.
But you know what - I could not have been happier in that moment. The kernel was ginormous. No clue how he even managed to get that in.

I can't wait to find out what he will come up with next.... :P

First day of spring

Hello, hello! 

Yes, I am still here... life has just been busy again and didn't really leave me any time to blog. But I am back and I bring good news:

Spring is here.

My fellow readers, we actually made it. 

Winter is officially coming to an end because yesterday was the first day of spring.

Right on St. Patrick's Day, I was wearing my greenest t-shirt and went for a walk around lunch time cause it was just so nice outside. And it actually got better. 

9 pm last night and we had 14 degrees. 14! I was so happy!

I am sure we'll still get some chilly days until I turn 27 (-> May 9th for all of you who don't know or remember - Shame on you! ;)), but for me, spring is officially here now.

I just thought I share this news.. ;)

Don't mess with my Zen

It's no secret: I love books.
Reading is like meditation to me... my mind becomes still and the stories, scenery and characters unfold in front of my inner eye. It's magical. And so relaxing. Usually. 

The last book I read was kind of an exception:

A few weeks ago our friend Theo came back from his vacation to the Dominican Republic and announced that he had been eaten alive by mosquitos and read a book: 

"In the Courts of the Sun" by Brian D'Amato. 

"It's pretty good," he told me. "It deals with time travel and the Maya. You should read it." 

I had just finished the novel I had been reading over the holidays, so I was up for it, but I didn't expect what this book had in store for me.
Don't get me wrong. I don't regret reading it. It was pretty well written and the author seemed to have done his homework with all the Maya stuff. But I had some moments when I wanted to set the book on fire while reading it. That certainly was a first. 

The author lets the main character use words and phrases in foreign languages, including German. And 9 out of 10 times he got it wrong. I got upset when I saw it the first time. 

I told myself to let it go. It's just a book, right? Then it happened again... and again.. and again. By the time I had finished the novel I was so pissed off that I felt I needed to take action. So last night I emailed Brian D'Amato. And this is what I wrote:


Subject:  Issues with the use of German phrases or why I feel like poking my eyes

Hi Brian,

I have just finished reading "In the Courts of the Sun".
In general I enjoyed your book, but there are a few things that I find upsetting.

I get that it is neat to have Jed throw in phrases in foreign languages. But if it's done incorrectly it just sucks.
I am German and since I am also a writer myself I feel like someone stabbed me in the eye each time I see words and phrases used in the wrong way.

There are many examples in your book, but page 421 stood out the most: "So auch auf jener Oberfläche sich noch im krystallinischem Zustand befände."  REALLY??? Is that necessary? I was contemplating to throw the book out of the window the moment I read that, because I was so pissed off.

It just really makes you not look good. Throughout the book you really get the feeling that you did so much research on the Maya, etc... and kudos for that, but why not here? Why not have someone who knows German look over those phrases before you use them?
I'm sure your publicist knows someone if you don't....

Well, and if not.. heck I'll help you with the other 2 novels that are still to come if that's what it takes.

So, anyways... I'll let you get back to writing and I hope my little feedback (rant) was helpful to you in some way.

Kind regards,
Melissa


I don't know if I really expect a response.. but at least I feel better now... my Zen is restored. ;)